A helpful way to define active listening is where the listener is paying very close attention to both the verbal and non-verbal parts of the communication that is being imparted by whoever is speaking. This allows that person to tell their story and reacting in a way so that they feel heard.
The harmonious and successful relationships that I build with clients are in part thanks to my use of active listening. In this article, I discuss my >15 years’ experience using active listening skills in careers coaching. I explain what you can expect from me as a coach. It’s an area that I’ve often been complimented on; many of my clients have said that they feel ‘deeply heard’ and that I ask the ‘right questions in a gentle, but challenging manner’.
Staying present is one of the skills needed when I support individuals. One of the ways that I help them to stay focussed and make good decisions, is to maintain our attention on a specific task or decision at hand. This enables them to make meaningful progress in manageable chunks.
Some of the decisions to be made by clients are momentous and complex. However, often the answers lie within the clients themselves. Coaching, in these cases, involves using active listening techniques to help clients realise what they already know. Thus bringing the subconscious into the conscious.
Therefore, I’d like to write about my own personal experience whilst highlighting the principles of good active listening skills. In the next section, I highlight some of the typical situations that doctors present with at a coaching session. I hope this will be helpful for anyone considering coaching, or who wonders what to expect.
Some typical examples of where I have used my active listening skills
From my KSS Deanery days
I was first taught active listening skills during my PGDip in Careers Education and Guidance, which I completed in 2012. Whilst studying for the qualification, I put my active listening skills to use in my role as careers adviser at Kent, Surrey, Sussex Deanery. In this role I worked with foundation and specialty trainee doctors to help them make career decisions, whether that be in medicine or outside of healthcare altogether.
A typical example would be a session with a doctor who had not passed their ARCP and had to repeat some of the foundation year 2. Often, they were upset and wished they had chosen some other career in the first place, rather than medicine. Supporting someone in this situation utilises several of the principles of active listening. These principles include empathy, listening to the individual’s concerns, giving them the quality of my attention and creating a confidential, safe space.
Now in private practice
I often coach doctors who are thinking of alternative careers. Occasionally, I speak to someone has been forced to leave medicine altogether. This could be someone, say, who was training to be a GP, but who has failed their exams too many times. It could also be someone that finds that they struggle to cope with the responsibilities of being a doctor.
Another example is someone who is dissatisfied with medicine and wants to explore a career that will be more enjoyable. I often coach NHS consultants or GPs who are unhappy in their role and unsure how to move forward. As their coach, I use active listening to fully understand their current grievances and aspirations for their next career move. Many are interested in transitioning to private practice or a different career entirely, but feel uncertain about the process. Together, we explore practical steps to make this shift, ensuring they build a career that aligns with their values, expertise, and long-term goals.
Some of the hardest discussions have been with doctors, who for health reasons, could no longer continue in the profession. Clients beginning their career change journey, especially if it’s been forced upon them, are often distressed by the situation and overwhelmed by the challenge. There can be a deep sense of loss, of identity, purpose and community. This can make it difficult to see what’s possible beyond medicine. Part of the coaching process involves creating space for them to grieve what they’re leaving behind, while gradually helping them reconnect with their strengths and reimagine a future that still feels meaningful.
Coaching using active listening skills
Thanks to having coached clients from a range of backgrounds facing a variety of challenges, as well as having experienced some major career transitions myself, it’s easy for me to find things in common with my clients. This sets the tone for a friendly and productive working relationship.
Careful observation of the client’s speech and body language helps me guide them to more nuanced inferences about their values. For example, if a senior doctor talks fondly about their role as a clinical supervisor, we’ll explore what they enjoyed about that (e.g. pastoral responsibility and teaching opportunities). We’ll discuss how to find more of these enjoyable tasks in their next role.
I also remain vigilant for self-limiting beliefs, which are thoughts that hinder an individual from being the best version of themselves. These are conceptually similar to the NATs (Negative Automatic Thoughts) of cognitive behavioural therapy. The classic example is when the client wonders if they have sufficient transferrable skills to transition from healthcare to an unrelated field, such as technology, finance, or business. Such self-limiting beliefs are often understandable, given that many clinicians are new to the non-healthcare job market. This is also something that I can coach and advise on.
I often employ my active listening skills to give the individual time to think, including non-verbal silence when needed. Silence may be required so that the individual can begin to process any new insights. This is something they need to do in order to move forward from where they are.
I am a sensitive and considerate coach who can recognise when someone needs time and space, adjusting my coaching style and schedule accordingly. Then I work with clients to help them to look at all the options available and help them to move on.
Coaching as a dance
1:1 coaching has often been described as a dance. It is the interaction between one person leading and the other following and these roles will swap from time to time. In the book The Human Behind the Coach, Claire Pedrick and Lucia Baldelli write ‘Like dancing, skilled coaching involves the coach being fully responsive to the movement of the thinker, always allowing them to choose what happens next.’ In coaching there’s a rhythm to the conversation and a connection. This occurs whilst both individuals are working out in partnership what to work on and where to go next. While the coachee usually sets the direction, there are moments when the coach may need to take the lead briefly. This is to offer structure, challenge, or a pause, to help maintain the flow of the conversation. It may also be to deepen the reflection.
Throughout the coaching process, I ask gentle questions, enabling the client’s story to unfold and so the dance continues. I use all my active listening skills so that I can respond dynamically to the individual I’m supporting. With each coaching session a new dance begins.
If you would like to experience coaching with me, do get in touch via the contact page. I’m immensely proud of the many people that I’ve helped to change careers over the years and I’m always excited to start new journeys (and dances) with new clients.
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Reference used in this article:
Pedrick, C. and Baldelli, L. (2023), The Human Behind the Coach, Practical Inspiration Publishing, p137.